Saturday, February 26, 2011

Made a tag and a vent


I had to get in and do something artsy-its been since Monday since I have done anything creative and I need this more than ever. I got some new Copic Markers and had to give them a whirl. This stamp was the first one I grabbed, so I decided to give it a go.

I pretty much went with the flow today-I loved Shelly's Gesso AI technique so wanted to do that one again. Oh, and the adorable stamp is from I Brake For Stamps, from the Winged Whimsy stamp sheet that I can proudly say I designed, many years ago :)

I told myself I would not blog about this. But, Its like a journal right? I think it would be therapeutic to blog about it, and I can also mark my progress so that I can look back at it later on. On tuesday I went in for a routine exam. First off, my blood pressure was moderately high. My stress level has been through the roof lately-coupled with anxiety attacks. In the middle of the exam I was notified that doctor had found a LUMP. Yes, A LUMP. I don't need to say where. I FREAKED out. REALLY. My blood pressure shot up over 200 after they informed me of it. She gave me something to calm my nerves (absolutely necessary). They were so concerned that hours later after the visit the nurse called me and said that she wanted to see me again to check my blood pressure. It was still very high, so they had to put me on BP meds. I am 40! 40!!!! I have never met anyone 40 years old on BP meds. She also sat me down and told me I need to make changes-I have kids, a house, etc. She knows I have mega stress in my life. To say it was a wake up call is mild. I am scared stiff. So now, I am trying to enjoy life a little more. Trying not to get stressed. Doctor said alot of my stress has to do with my personality (I am a perfectionist and everything has to be just right). I need to let things go, and in a BIG way. I hate being a perfectionist! But now I have no choice.

As for the lump, I am trying to be positive. I know it could be nothing at all. But, the scary thing is, my Mother in Law died of this (gulp, the "C" word)10 years ago. Recently, I have had a friend (also 40) who just went through treatments for that "C" word.

I have some friends in the medical field who are checking with me on a regular basis and I am checking my blood pressure several times a day (yes, I am very paranoid). I am trying to relax. I need to LAUGH more (doctors orders, literally). I have been so tensed up the past couple months I have not even truly been able to enjoy life. I have honestly tried to, but apparently but not enough to bring the BP down I guess). Not to be a downer-really. I am just venting. But this has opened my eyes so much. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am given this challenge for some reason, I don't know why. Maybe someday I will have to help someone overcome the same challenge (s)? I don't know. But I am determined to get through this. I look back at all my other challenges, and I survived those. I can do this too. But I know I really need to take this seriously.

4 comments:

Shelly Hickox said...

Oh, Kristy, I'm so sorry to hear that! I wondered what was up after seeing your FB post. I can totally relate to the perfectionist thing - thankfully I have ridiculously low bp (like a sloth), so my stress manifests itself in other ways. Keep taking those drugs and don't forget to lean on your friends. That's what they're there for! I'll keep you in my thoughts. :-)

p.s. Love your tag!

Debi said...

Kristy, I am so glad you wrote about what is happening in your life. Keeping it to yourself would definitely create more stress than you need. It is a good thing that the doctor is be proactive about the blood pressure. As far as the lump think positive. It hopefully will be nothing. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. If you need to unload on someone I am here for you. It will all be ok..

BTW, I love your tag....awesome as always!!!

Neet said...

Kristy, am so glad you blogged all of your feelings - try journalling as well. Unleash the artist in you with your journalling.
I am so sorry to read this and I want you to know I am thinking of you, including you in my prayers and please please please try to not worry (easier said than done). We are there for you.
Hugs
Neet

Wanda H said...

Beautiful tag!!!